Sleepless

"Now Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not
see" Hebrews 11:1

It is two o’clock in the morning…why on earth am I awake? Good question, I have been asking myself that question for the past hour. Perhaps it is because we contacted a realtor yesterday. This is really going to happen. We really are going to move away, really going to sell my house. Now, never mind I have been wanting out of this house for the past seven years. Never mind that we outgrew this house long before our little peanut came along. This is MY HOUSE. Soon I will be moving back into my mother’s house. Can I express the strain of that enough? After 22 of keeping my own house in my own order, or lack thereof, it was my space. Soon we shall see if two strong willed women can share the same house…
I suppose this is what that verse is all about. You see I know it is God’s will for us to return home. It is time to care for mother. Not that she’s ill or failing in some way; oh no, FAR from it! My mother is as feisty and sharp as ever. No this second stage is all about passing the torch if you will. We are also going to be missionaries to our families. THAT scares me; you see I know how much I fail. I am a broken vessel. So often I slip into mediocrity being simple, dense and occasionally downright stupid. How can I – failure go and witness to others…especially family? They know me, they know my past, and they got dirt on me. They’ve seen more than one slip.
Fear. Jesus tells us not to fear, yet often I do. Faith. Faith is being sure of what we don’t see. Many times God has done wondrous things that I never saw coming…refer to previous paragraph I am often simple. Sometimes I wonder if He sighs in exasperation with me. So often I’m like Moses who questioned God on his wisdom to choose for an assignment. Who me? Surely not, there are better choices. People who can speak better, have a better education, a degree in something, a more mature understanding of the scriptures, a better memory and can quote those scriptures, who can spell without using spell check. (Now you know my dirty little secrete) Faith comes be hearing and doing the Word…that’s somewhere in Hebrews – I think.